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Bananas in the Fridge

Friends with Benefits straddles (carefully considered choice of words) the line between generic rom-com and self-aware parody in a manner opposed to the attempted bedtime arrangement agreed between the two participants at the centre of the films story. Trying to avoid romantic cliches is difficult business in a relationship. Trying to avoid taking your clothes off is difficult business when the person opposite you is Mila Kunis, or big JT if yer female I suppose.

The story follows  Jamie, a girl with a good job, who manages to convince Dylan to  join the staff of GQ as some kind of visual editor. The decision to abandon his work as a blog designer (I think that's what he was doing. It looked like he was working for one of those horrible 90's style companies that had fake grass on the walls, no management structure and employees who were paid in tofu and soya milk. What kind of way is that to run a company anyway? No wonder you don't see that nowadays. In fact, I don't even know if they were real or if the movies invented them) is for some reason a particularly difficult one. Sold on the city of New York, without that Jay Z/Alicia Keys song which I am assuming would have been trotted out for city-montage number two had he initially decided to head back to California, Dylan agrees to take the high-paid job with the high-end perks and Jamie's enthusiasm for him lasts longer than you would expect. I mean, she could dump him and take off the minute he signs the contract. Job done. But they agree to stay friends and Jamie shows Dylan around town as he couldn't find a restaurant in New York without her. Whether her 'assistance' is based on the fact that her employee-bonus is paid on the condition he stays in the job or whether it is purely chemistry between the two characters is a decision you make for yourself. It is clear though that the two characters have a certain attraction which lends itself well to no-strings sex. This is what they decide to indulge in following a heart-to-heart about their previous relationships. Surprisingly, this agreement has some drawbacks but gives us the familiar rollercoaster of will-they/won't-they which guides us through the tribulations of family troubles etc. to the conclusion that you probably expect.

I'm not a big fan of fads. I never really have been. When I was young children had micro-machines; my kid brain always wondered why you would want a micro car when you could have a bigger one?  I had about three that I found between the playground, my brothers room and my first foray into petty theft. Anyway,  you can imagine my irritation at the flash-mob scenes. I honestly think that ending up in one of these would be the realisation of my worst nightmare. They have made me even more scared of public places, particularly train stations which seem to be a haven for these organised weirdo's. I can't imagine anything worse than unwittingly ending up in the middle of a group of middle-aged i-Pad owners ironically singing and dancing out of sync to a recording of whatever rubbish they sang on Glee the week previous. Proper hell.

The films standout performance comes from Woody Harrelson as gay sports reporter Tommy . He steals every scene in which he appears. Questioner of sexualities, provider of wisdom and excitable boat owner are but a few of his multi-faceted character traits. He is worth the price of admission alone.

Friends with Benefits isn't groundbreaking stuff but it is entertaining, funny, visually engrossing (for male and female alike) and lyrically smart in parts. Good date movie - although I would maybe avoid it if you are just trying to set up some no-strings action as the film makes it look like it doesn't really work and if we know anything it is that girls believe films. Plus Doback is in it.

http://www.fwb-movie.com/

Shotgun Blues

Styling Rutger Hauer as a homeless vigilante with a vendetta and a shotgun seemed foolproof to me. Hauer has developed quite the CV over the years appearing in Blade Runner, The Hitcher and Sin City to name a few. I remember seeing the poster for Hobo with a Shotgun some time ago and also remember my disappointment when the Glasgow screening sold-out FAST. The hype grew from the initial trailer which became aligned with the Grindhouse package that led to Machete becoming a feature also.

Hobo with a Shotgun sees the arrival in town of a homeless man who is immediately witness to a public execution before registering his disgust with a shotgun blast in the face of criminality. Get that on yer poster Eisener.
 
One thing captured well in the film is the aimless wandering of the homeless. You know that vacant stagger you see when passing a homeless person in the street? They never quite look like they know where they are going but I guess destinations are few and far between for the vagrant. We find out that Hobo has dreams of setting up a legit business as a lawnmower man (not to be confused with the film of the same name... he's probably never seen it. He is homeless after all). This proves difficult as money is hard to come-by except from through that new-age tradition of homeless men competing in bum-fights. A lucrative business when opposed to collecting plastic bottles. After completing various acts of degradation for an over-eager media-mogul, Hobo heads to purchase the lawnmower that will be the foundation of his legitimate venture. As is often the case with cinema all does not go according to plan. When things don't go according to plan for me I tend to end up late for work or with the wrong filling in my sandwich but when things don't go to plan for a hobo he usually ends up wielding a shotgun at various criminals, robbers and other undesirables as he clears the streets on behalf of the good people of Scum Town. If we learn anything from the film it is this.

The Hobo becomes somewhat of a cult hero to the public as his face covers the front page of the local newspaper for his daily crime-fighting exploits. This aggrieves local mega-villain The Drake who sets about forcibly removing the affable Hobo from his noble township.

Instead of having the feel of a Grindhouse homage in the vein of Machete, Death Proof et al, Hobo unfortunately feels more like the recent spate of cheap exploitation horror that has flooded our screens of late (see Zombie Women of Satan etc.). The main problem is the script. The opportunities offered by such a strong title and premise are never fulfilled. The Hobo character has an endless possibility when it comes to quotable lines but is instead limited to a few. Hauer's performance is excellent but is limited by the production. A few rants aside, Hauer is reserved by the nature of the films narrative which does not allow him the gleeful destruction that his eyes indicate he desires throughout.

The film seems a bit confused as to what year/era it is based in. It is clear that the primary influence comes from films of the late seventies and eighties; I see Escape from L.A and The Warriors but also see the slimy villain James Spader made famous throughout that decade in The Drakes horrible sons. This is no bad thing, it's just the way the influence is utilised that is frustrating. $3 million is a decent budget for a production of this type and it feels that more could have been achieved with this.

The film didn't actually turn out as bad as i expected. I have to be honest, i wouldn't have argued if had been turned off after the first 10 minutes; they were not just disappointing but cliched and hard to watch. From there forward the film is almost apologising to us and I began to forgive it until the ending annoyed me further. What happens between the start and end is somewhat uninspired if mildly enjoyable. I couldn't buy into the villains who were over-stylised to the point of the ridiculous. The equivalent of the eighties bully with spiked hair and a leather jacket. Did nobody think to check that out? I went to school then and it was people of that description who were the victims of the bullies. I wish that school bullies dressed like Marlon Brando in The Wild One; I would have happily taken a beating knowing that I had at least come into close proximity of something that cool. Instead we suffered at the hand of plooky shell-suit wearing gang leaders with a penchant for pulling skinny kids trousers down.

To summarise Hobo with a Shotgun is an excellent idea for a trailer which struggled to reach a relatively short running time of just over 80 minutes. Some laughs, some cringes and some shotgun holes in peoples bodies.

You and me are goin' on a car-ride to hell... and you're riding shotgun! 

http://ca.hobowithashotgun.com/

Spiders from Mars

This review contains spoilers.

To be honest it is difficult to spoil a film as bad as Apollo 18. I don't know if you would even consider it a spoiler; probably more accurate to term it a warning. I wish someone had warned me. I mean I asked Twitter-folks what they thought of the film a couple of days ago and not one person thought to contact me and say 'Hey, dude, probably not the best use of your time to be honest'. For that, I can't forgive you.

Apollo 18 uses the premise of the found-footage genre to depart its misery upon us. It is not so much sold to us as found as it is released/leaked footage. As a kid I remember being drawn to anything resembling a conspiracy theory and although the weariness of age has somewhat dimmed that passion I do enjoy the stories of how the moon landings were faked. I remember a particularly good Sci-Fi Channel documentary presented by that guy from the X-Files which was quite convincing and picked holes in the government version. My favourite contributions came from the NASA employees and former astronauts who replied with variations of 'it's no faked, right. Now shut it'. Hope this isn't booking me a visit from the ol' men in black. If Will Smith is intending a visit then I would much prefer he come with Jazzy Jeff so we can get our party on. Alright Will? So back to the film.

The astronauts take us with them on their secret voyage to the moon. Why this mission is so secret is kept from the astronauts in the main and is billed as further reconnaissance/rock collecting. It quickly goes wrong with interference on the communication equipment and rapidly descends further from there. I found that the film offered little in terms of suspense as it was clear the route we were taking almost as soon as the astronauts landed. It did however offer a few jumpy moments but it was the kind where you are angry at yourself for getting a fright because you absolutely knew it was coming. The space setting is perfect for this type of film, the failure is probably more in the execution as opposed to the premise as far as I'm concerned. The shadows and dark of the craters, the silence - none of this is utilised to its potential. The sheer volume of cameras that the astronauts seem to have available is excessive but the reason for this becomes clear as the film progresses. There is little in the way of character development and the nature of the mise en scene leaves the film with a disjointed feel which does not lend itself to viewer enjoyment. There are a couple of moments of short suspense but these are not given time to develop enough to become as effective as one would hope.

What is more unsettling about Apollo 18 is that fact that someone saw fit to throw 5 million bucks at the production. Did they know they could read the script prior to agreeing to fund this atrocity? My favourite quote about the film comes from head of Dimension films Bob Weinstein who said that "We didn’t shoot anything, we found it. Found, baby!”. Even he didn't want admit to playing a part in this being made. Distancing yourself by trying to convince us you found the film is low Bob... real low.

A distinct lack of advance screenings and a review embargo, alongside multiple release date changes, are some of the most explicit examples of a lack of confidence in the film. I was genuinely looking forward to this but was disappointed by the derivative nature of almost every aspects. The 'aliens' were straight out of Aliens (funnily enough), the night time camera angles like Paranormal Activity in space, the nostril shots straight from Blair Witch etc. etc. and etc. For this reason there is not much merit in the film. It adds little to the genre which is becoming slightly tired by the sheer volume of films of this type being released. I remember how fresh the genre was around the time of The Last Broadcast/Blair Witch Project and i think it could be time for the genre to take a wee rest, a nap of sorts, so it can return refreshed. Do we need Paranormal Activity 3 this year? And even more importantly, is the next Friday the 13th installment really going to be a found-footage film? Surely not but that's what the sources are saying.

One bit of humour I found in the film was picturing the pitch to producers... 'It's like Blair Witch... in space. Wait, that's not all. There are rocks that turn in to spiders'. Sold.

http://lunartruth.org

Carnage Candy

Growing up I loved slasher films. For a while it was pretty much the only genre I was interested in. The first Scream film was released right at the height of my fascination. It had it all... gore, scares, mystery and most refreshingly a post-modern understanding of the context in which it was produced. I loved everything about the film, from the biggest star being killed within the first half hour to the knowledge of horror displayed reflecting this love of my own. I could recite the script from start to finish, backwards and forwards, and I'm surely not the only one. Not only did Scream draw a line under what came before it, it also gave the slasher film a fresh start; a new product for copy and how the copies did flow. You could rhyme off hundreds of them but that only proves the quality of the film and it's influence on modern horror.

Welcome home, Sidney. You're a survivor, aren't you, Sidney? What good is it to be a survivor when everyone close to you is dead? You can't save them. All you can do... is watch.

Scream 4 comes eleven years after the third and almost a full 15 years after the first in the series. It doesn't take long, in fact no time at all, for the killings to begin and with Sidney Prescott's return to Woodsboro we are quickly back into the flow of the series. The introduction, and I'm trying not to give too much away, is predictable but fulfilling and amusing. Scream has always revelled in its portrayal of the expected and gleefully enjoys the frights it manages to derive from it. In terms of writing and direction, as a fan of the first, I couldn't have asked for more with Craven and Williamson returning to the series for the first time since Scream 2.  I won't go into the plot in too much detail but it is very much in the vain of it's predecessors. Again the reliance upon sex and nudity, so required by it's peers, is an acknowledged no-show which, although frustrating to the teenage male viewer, is important to the Scream series. The performances from the cast are strong and the film is separated from its the initial trilogy by ensuring that almost no character comes out of the film unscathed. In fact, I can't think of any. That shouldn't ruin anything for you but should be enough to get the heart beating a little faster if you haven't seen the film already.

I enjoyed  Scream 4 from start to finish apart from a five minute section in the 'third-act'. It relates specifically to the killers motive and I found it to be slightly disconnected from the youth of today (not that I can claim to be plugged-in). I understand the comment that was being made but it was a bit over-the-top for me. Get on with the killing. The only other thing missing for me was the iconic theme songs - Red Right Hand by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds particularly.

Reportedly the first of a new trilogy, Scream 4 is strangely refreshing. With the recent influx of horror, and specifically slasher films, the genre has become somewhat saturated; exactly as it was prior to the release of the first film. I understand that people will disagree with me but I don't accept the reviews that have commented on the films reliance upon obvious cliches. For me this misses the point. The film is exploitative of the genre cliches and the beauty is that Scream 4 is so good dangling the obvious in front of the audience, removing it long enough for you to believe it isn't coming, before delivering right at the point when you have settled back into your chair for maximum impact. It is the same formula that has been so successful in the past and if it isn't broke I don't expect Craven to go about trying to fix it. As a huge fan of the original it would have been easy for this latest edition to be disappointing for me but I really enjoyed it. It is everything a good slasher film should be providing fun, frights, suspicions and enjoyment but, and this may sound obvious, if you didn't enjoy the first Scream movie the chances of you enjoying Scream 4 are slim. If however you, like me, still have the teenage horror fan bursting from your skin I can't recommend it enough.

Official Site - http://www.scream-4.com/

Enjoy the Silence

The Silent House, or La Casa Muda to quote the actual title, is reportedly based on a real-life occurrence in a small Uruguayan village during the 1940's. The real-life occurrence, as far as I can gather, is that bodies were found near photographs. It's a bit like saying The Wizard of Oz is based on true events because an eccentric old couple painted their cobbled path yellow in 19th century London.

The Silent House tells the not so coherent story of a father-daughter combo who arrive at a creepy old house in the woods apparently to carry out some routine maintenance. Inexplicably they enter and immediately set about going to sleep before the noises upstairs begin. Now a problem I often find with films is that it is important to me that I can trace at least a strand of logic through the proceedings. Even if it is just implied. The problem with The Silent House is that there is no logic to the story. I am not going to get into the specifics of the plot too much because it makes no difference to your level (or lack) of enjoyment. There are many more questions than answers come the closing credits. In fact, I may be being too kind, it is more of a bewilderment and a wish for director Gustavo Hernández to greet me in the lobby to hand back the hour and twenty minutes I have spent. This ranks up there with the clocks going forward in terms of blatant theft. In the last few weeks I have lost two hours and twenty minutes to British Summer Time and The Silent House. I can't say I am too impressed. 

I don't know how much we can say that The Silent House has drawn from its influences and how much it has actually stolen, or derived to be polite. The book of cliches wasn't so much thrown at the audience as it was launched directly at our noses.

• Creepy little girls - Check. 
• Children's toys (musical of course) - Check. 
• Doll - Check.
• Polaroids - Check.
• Escaping only to find a saviour who takes you back to the place of misery - Check. 
• Plot twist (was it a twist..? Who knows) - Check.

There are others but you get the point.

I appreciate the craftsmanship in undertaking a feature length in one shot. In these terms the film is successful... no motion sickness at all. The few camera tricks that were employed were repeated continually and quickly became tiresome. I'm not sure how convinced I am that this was in fact one shot but it doesn't make a huge difference either way. Lets not miss the point here, the one-shot gimmick is there to direct our attention away from the poor narrative and generic scares. What was gained by this 'innovation' was quickly lost as it became clear why this technique is not frequented by the masters of the genre. The problem is that horror is effective when tension is built before the valve is released and the pressure allowed to build again. This can't happen to the required extent here as we are constantly in the face of the main character throughout. Instead of putting us in the shoes of the protagonist which could have been interesting (a first-person perspective for example) we get the feeling instead that we are in the same room; a voyeur more than a participant.

Two blogs, two films about strange houses. Quite apt considering I am in the process of moving home. The Silent House appeals to me as a name for my new house but I intend to enforce the silence much more strictly that the cast of the film. When the people who have snuck into the screen without paying start complaining about the quality on offer you know there is a problem. Just in case I haven't made it clear... don't visit The Silent House.

Official Site - http://www.lacasamuda.com/

Resident Evil

In my mid-teens, when moving into a new house with my parents, I decided to spend the first few nights in the house by myself. Seems a foolish move now with all the knowledge I have gained since but at the time it seemed like a great idea. I was about 30 minutes into my longed for freedom when it became clear that I wasn't alone in the house. I could hear footsteps upstairs and I don't just mean 'oh, was that a noise', I mean FOOTSTEPS. With the knowledge that there was nobody upstairs (who would be attempting to rob this empty house anyway?) I phoned my friend (Chris Tarrant wasn't involved) and he came round to help me investigate. The 5 minutes between putting the phone down and his chap at the door was probably the most scared I have ever been. Anyway, we ventured upstairs and found that there was nobody there. Now remember there is nowhere for anyone to hide, it is an empty house. I sought refuge in my friends house a few streets away for the next two nights. Just to be safe. The footsteps continued until I moved out but that is a story for another blog.

The Resident deals with the issue of struggling for the alone time required to wind down after a long day in the emergency room. Hilary Swank is  a doctor who happens upon an under-priced New York apartment with a great view and an extremely accommodating landlord. Being a horror film and all there has to be something wrong with the picture. Swank's character Juliet unfortunately does not find her Romeo but has in fact just separated from her cheating boyfriend. Sounds like a good time to meet a new man and the handsome landlord in most circumstances would be perfect if it was not for the fact he is slight disturbed. From this circumstance ensues scenes of stalking, voyeurism and date(implied)rape. The occurrences begin to impact upon Juliet's working/romantic adventures and her suspicions are awakened by comparison of her current state with that of her usually well organised, pre-relocated self.

I am torn when it comes to considering the fact that I just came home from watching a Hammer film starring Christopher Lee. A few years ago it didn't even cross my mind as a possibility (unless as part of a horror/classic film fest) but as pleasing as that may be it does certainly raise the stakes and leads to a little disappointment at just how formulaic The Resident is.

It's tough for me to be objective when it comes to Christopher Lee. From Dracula to The Wicker Man and beyond Lee is so dignified in his appearance and performance that it is difficult to criticise. There isn't anything to criticise about his performance in The Resident. Lee is in a total of about 5 minutes film in the movie but in that time delivered a few memorable quips and continued to tread that line between gentleman and danger. I am able to ignore how frail Lee looks as I am all too aware that he is a member of the undead and it will take more than mere age to remove him from our screens.

The Resident does well to build a feeling of unease and the claustrophobic nature of the voyeurism adds to the feeling of being watched throughout the film. The film is well shot and the performance for the most part are strong; particularly Hilary Swank's. One of the main problems I found was in the performance of Jeffrey Dean Morgan as Max (the pervert... imagine his billing was Max The Pervert; we could have had a proper exploitation flick on our hands). Morgan is excellent in his role as nice guy but struggles to create the intensity required for his role as voyeur. I felt sorry for Max more than I felt scared by Max. If his grandfather had been in a position to give him a good talking to then I feel this could all have been resolved over a (non-spiked) bottle of red wine.

That aside, The Resident is worth seeing, probably as a Friday Night date movie because you know your girl isn't going to want to be sleeping alone with the thought of someone under the bed licking her finger. We will just try and overlook the fact that it turns into A Nightmare on Elm Street for the last 15 minutes.

Official Site - http://www.facebook.com/theresidentmovie