Bananas in the Fridge

Friends with Benefits straddles (carefully considered choice of words) the line between generic rom-com and self-aware parody in a manner opposed to the attempted bedtime arrangement agreed between the two participants at the centre of the films story. Trying to avoid romantic cliches is difficult business in a relationship. Trying to avoid taking your clothes off is difficult business when the person opposite you is Mila Kunis, or big JT if yer female I suppose.

The story follows  Jamie, a girl with a good job, who manages to convince Dylan to  join the staff of GQ as some kind of visual editor. The decision to abandon his work as a blog designer (I think that's what he was doing. It looked like he was working for one of those horrible 90's style companies that had fake grass on the walls, no management structure and employees who were paid in tofu and soya milk. What kind of way is that to run a company anyway? No wonder you don't see that nowadays. In fact, I don't even know if they were real or if the movies invented them) is for some reason a particularly difficult one. Sold on the city of New York, without that Jay Z/Alicia Keys song which I am assuming would have been trotted out for city-montage number two had he initially decided to head back to California, Dylan agrees to take the high-paid job with the high-end perks and Jamie's enthusiasm for him lasts longer than you would expect. I mean, she could dump him and take off the minute he signs the contract. Job done. But they agree to stay friends and Jamie shows Dylan around town as he couldn't find a restaurant in New York without her. Whether her 'assistance' is based on the fact that her employee-bonus is paid on the condition he stays in the job or whether it is purely chemistry between the two characters is a decision you make for yourself. It is clear though that the two characters have a certain attraction which lends itself well to no-strings sex. This is what they decide to indulge in following a heart-to-heart about their previous relationships. Surprisingly, this agreement has some drawbacks but gives us the familiar rollercoaster of will-they/won't-they which guides us through the tribulations of family troubles etc. to the conclusion that you probably expect.

I'm not a big fan of fads. I never really have been. When I was young children had micro-machines; my kid brain always wondered why you would want a micro car when you could have a bigger one?  I had about three that I found between the playground, my brothers room and my first foray into petty theft. Anyway,  you can imagine my irritation at the flash-mob scenes. I honestly think that ending up in one of these would be the realisation of my worst nightmare. They have made me even more scared of public places, particularly train stations which seem to be a haven for these organised weirdo's. I can't imagine anything worse than unwittingly ending up in the middle of a group of middle-aged i-Pad owners ironically singing and dancing out of sync to a recording of whatever rubbish they sang on Glee the week previous. Proper hell.

The films standout performance comes from Woody Harrelson as gay sports reporter Tommy . He steals every scene in which he appears. Questioner of sexualities, provider of wisdom and excitable boat owner are but a few of his multi-faceted character traits. He is worth the price of admission alone.

Friends with Benefits isn't groundbreaking stuff but it is entertaining, funny, visually engrossing (for male and female alike) and lyrically smart in parts. Good date movie - although I would maybe avoid it if you are just trying to set up some no-strings action as the film makes it look like it doesn't really work and if we know anything it is that girls believe films. Plus Doback is in it.

http://www.fwb-movie.com/

Shotgun Blues

Styling Rutger Hauer as a homeless vigilante with a vendetta and a shotgun seemed foolproof to me. Hauer has developed quite the CV over the years appearing in Blade Runner, The Hitcher and Sin City to name a few. I remember seeing the poster for Hobo with a Shotgun some time ago and also remember my disappointment when the Glasgow screening sold-out FAST. The hype grew from the initial trailer which became aligned with the Grindhouse package that led to Machete becoming a feature also.

Hobo with a Shotgun sees the arrival in town of a homeless man who is immediately witness to a public execution before registering his disgust with a shotgun blast in the face of criminality. Get that on yer poster Eisener.
 
One thing captured well in the film is the aimless wandering of the homeless. You know that vacant stagger you see when passing a homeless person in the street? They never quite look like they know where they are going but I guess destinations are few and far between for the vagrant. We find out that Hobo has dreams of setting up a legit business as a lawnmower man (not to be confused with the film of the same name... he's probably never seen it. He is homeless after all). This proves difficult as money is hard to come-by except from through that new-age tradition of homeless men competing in bum-fights. A lucrative business when opposed to collecting plastic bottles. After completing various acts of degradation for an over-eager media-mogul, Hobo heads to purchase the lawnmower that will be the foundation of his legitimate venture. As is often the case with cinema all does not go according to plan. When things don't go according to plan for me I tend to end up late for work or with the wrong filling in my sandwich but when things don't go to plan for a hobo he usually ends up wielding a shotgun at various criminals, robbers and other undesirables as he clears the streets on behalf of the good people of Scum Town. If we learn anything from the film it is this.

The Hobo becomes somewhat of a cult hero to the public as his face covers the front page of the local newspaper for his daily crime-fighting exploits. This aggrieves local mega-villain The Drake who sets about forcibly removing the affable Hobo from his noble township.

Instead of having the feel of a Grindhouse homage in the vein of Machete, Death Proof et al, Hobo unfortunately feels more like the recent spate of cheap exploitation horror that has flooded our screens of late (see Zombie Women of Satan etc.). The main problem is the script. The opportunities offered by such a strong title and premise are never fulfilled. The Hobo character has an endless possibility when it comes to quotable lines but is instead limited to a few. Hauer's performance is excellent but is limited by the production. A few rants aside, Hauer is reserved by the nature of the films narrative which does not allow him the gleeful destruction that his eyes indicate he desires throughout.

The film seems a bit confused as to what year/era it is based in. It is clear that the primary influence comes from films of the late seventies and eighties; I see Escape from L.A and The Warriors but also see the slimy villain James Spader made famous throughout that decade in The Drakes horrible sons. This is no bad thing, it's just the way the influence is utilised that is frustrating. $3 million is a decent budget for a production of this type and it feels that more could have been achieved with this.

The film didn't actually turn out as bad as i expected. I have to be honest, i wouldn't have argued if had been turned off after the first 10 minutes; they were not just disappointing but cliched and hard to watch. From there forward the film is almost apologising to us and I began to forgive it until the ending annoyed me further. What happens between the start and end is somewhat uninspired if mildly enjoyable. I couldn't buy into the villains who were over-stylised to the point of the ridiculous. The equivalent of the eighties bully with spiked hair and a leather jacket. Did nobody think to check that out? I went to school then and it was people of that description who were the victims of the bullies. I wish that school bullies dressed like Marlon Brando in The Wild One; I would have happily taken a beating knowing that I had at least come into close proximity of something that cool. Instead we suffered at the hand of plooky shell-suit wearing gang leaders with a penchant for pulling skinny kids trousers down.

To summarise Hobo with a Shotgun is an excellent idea for a trailer which struggled to reach a relatively short running time of just over 80 minutes. Some laughs, some cringes and some shotgun holes in peoples bodies.

You and me are goin' on a car-ride to hell... and you're riding shotgun! 

http://ca.hobowithashotgun.com/

Spiders from Mars

This review contains spoilers.

To be honest it is difficult to spoil a film as bad as Apollo 18. I don't know if you would even consider it a spoiler; probably more accurate to term it a warning. I wish someone had warned me. I mean I asked Twitter-folks what they thought of the film a couple of days ago and not one person thought to contact me and say 'Hey, dude, probably not the best use of your time to be honest'. For that, I can't forgive you.

Apollo 18 uses the premise of the found-footage genre to depart its misery upon us. It is not so much sold to us as found as it is released/leaked footage. As a kid I remember being drawn to anything resembling a conspiracy theory and although the weariness of age has somewhat dimmed that passion I do enjoy the stories of how the moon landings were faked. I remember a particularly good Sci-Fi Channel documentary presented by that guy from the X-Files which was quite convincing and picked holes in the government version. My favourite contributions came from the NASA employees and former astronauts who replied with variations of 'it's no faked, right. Now shut it'. Hope this isn't booking me a visit from the ol' men in black. If Will Smith is intending a visit then I would much prefer he come with Jazzy Jeff so we can get our party on. Alright Will? So back to the film.

The astronauts take us with them on their secret voyage to the moon. Why this mission is so secret is kept from the astronauts in the main and is billed as further reconnaissance/rock collecting. It quickly goes wrong with interference on the communication equipment and rapidly descends further from there. I found that the film offered little in terms of suspense as it was clear the route we were taking almost as soon as the astronauts landed. It did however offer a few jumpy moments but it was the kind where you are angry at yourself for getting a fright because you absolutely knew it was coming. The space setting is perfect for this type of film, the failure is probably more in the execution as opposed to the premise as far as I'm concerned. The shadows and dark of the craters, the silence - none of this is utilised to its potential. The sheer volume of cameras that the astronauts seem to have available is excessive but the reason for this becomes clear as the film progresses. There is little in the way of character development and the nature of the mise en scene leaves the film with a disjointed feel which does not lend itself to viewer enjoyment. There are a couple of moments of short suspense but these are not given time to develop enough to become as effective as one would hope.

What is more unsettling about Apollo 18 is that fact that someone saw fit to throw 5 million bucks at the production. Did they know they could read the script prior to agreeing to fund this atrocity? My favourite quote about the film comes from head of Dimension films Bob Weinstein who said that "We didn’t shoot anything, we found it. Found, baby!”. Even he didn't want admit to playing a part in this being made. Distancing yourself by trying to convince us you found the film is low Bob... real low.

A distinct lack of advance screenings and a review embargo, alongside multiple release date changes, are some of the most explicit examples of a lack of confidence in the film. I was genuinely looking forward to this but was disappointed by the derivative nature of almost every aspects. The 'aliens' were straight out of Aliens (funnily enough), the night time camera angles like Paranormal Activity in space, the nostril shots straight from Blair Witch etc. etc. and etc. For this reason there is not much merit in the film. It adds little to the genre which is becoming slightly tired by the sheer volume of films of this type being released. I remember how fresh the genre was around the time of The Last Broadcast/Blair Witch Project and i think it could be time for the genre to take a wee rest, a nap of sorts, so it can return refreshed. Do we need Paranormal Activity 3 this year? And even more importantly, is the next Friday the 13th installment really going to be a found-footage film? Surely not but that's what the sources are saying.

One bit of humour I found in the film was picturing the pitch to producers... 'It's like Blair Witch... in space. Wait, that's not all. There are rocks that turn in to spiders'. Sold.

http://lunartruth.org